Indie Rockers Share Their First Crush

Laura Ballance
I was not one for realistic crushes. The first crush I can remember was the one I had on James West, from the Wild Wild West television show. I was probably four. I never let him know. This unrequited love was followed by a crush on Robin (Batman), the Black Stallion and, of course, Han Solo.

When I was about 13, I saw an Adam and the Ants concert on cable TV. It took place on a set that looked like a pirate ship. I fell in love. I am a pirate too! I let him know by growing a tail (in my hair) and developing a swishy and dark clothing style of my own. He ignored me completely.

My first crush, or the person I first had feelings of love towards, was Judy Garland. I was eight years old, and had just watched, The Wizard of Oz for the first time. At first, seeing her in black and white on my television screen was just breathtaking. And then, color. My heart stopped. It was the first time I cried during a movie — not because I found the movie sad, but because I was so filled with butterflies and my heart was just beaming with joy. For weeks after seeing the movie, all I did was fantasize about meeting her, looking for Kansas on a map of the United States, imagining myself with her at her dinner table.

I told my parents that I needed her address so I could send her a letter. It was then that the truth about Judy Garland was revealed: she was dead. I remember being so heartbroken over this news, crying in my bed for hours and refusing to eat. Weeks would pass, and occasionally in books or on television I would see, not the young Judy Garland, who broke my heart with her smile and beautiful voice, ruby red slippers and scarecrow companion, but the much older and sad-eyed, alcohol-soaked Judy Garland. I didn't care: she was still just as beautiful as the day I first set eyes on her. Even now, I still feel my heart break with joy and sadness when I see pictures or footage of her.

Julian Koster
Funny as it might seem to say, my first crush was not on a human being. In the basement of my grandparents house there was a toy Manhattan island. It was very old, faded and made mostly of painted wood and, I guess, tin. I doubt I would've been allowed to play with it if anyone knew I'd found it. It had elevated trains that lit up when you plugged it in. I was in love with it.

Then, my Dad moved to Manhattan. When I went there, it was like meeting someone you'd adored from afar in real life. People in my family used to joke that I loved the city, which embarrassed me. It actually made my cheeks turn red, because I didn't exactly know what romantic love was all about, but i felt pretty certain that the city and I had a romantic relationship. I was quite devoted to it.

Sara Romweber
My first childhood crush was on actor Bruce Lee. I never told him how I felt. I will always regret that.

My first crush was on a boy name Bobby. I can't remember how I let him know, but I do know that eventually he dumped me for my best friend. Ouch! I think this was in the 5th grade. To this day the song "Careless Whisper" reminds me of this episode.

John Roderick
My first crush was Laurie Bassler in the fifth and sixth grade. She was the smartest girl in our class, with light blonde hair that she wore in a pixie cut. She came from a big German Catholic family. I was crazy about her, and spent most of those two years in a state bordering on apoplexy, but I tried to conceal my feelings, terrified that she thought I was a dork.

Both years I splurged on a big red box of chocolates, which I rehearsed giving to her, along with a declaration of my love. Both years, I chickened out after spending all of Valentine's Day in a borderline panic. Like a total dork.

Laurie and I went to different Junior Highs and only saw each other once more, at a cross- country running meet. She was diagnosed with leukemia shortly thereafter. Until the day I learned she had passed away I still was working up the courage to call her and tell her how I felt about her.

Matt Kadane
The object of my first crush was a trinity of girls in the third grade, a miniature version of Charlie's Angels (although at the time they were all taller than I was). The central crush I will call S. W., the Jaclyn Smith of the three. She was quiet and made me nervous, and I only made furtive eye contact with her. This year of my life, the year my hormones were given a sense of direction, also marked the last time I would ever make straight A's.

Jeremy Hyman
When I was in middle school, I had a huge crush on this girl Cindy Garcia. We had an art class together. It's hard to remember exactly what those days were like, but I think I was pretty much just staring at her for 45 minutes and occasionally working on a drawing of a shoe or an apple. We went to different high schools, so I had other crushes after that. Erin Rouse was a big one. But then, Cindy and I went to the same college, and we were friends. She is so rad.

My first crush, his name was Harper. I was in the 3rd grade. I wrote him a note professing my love for him. I carefully wrapped it in fabric and slipped it in his cubbyhole. As soon as I did it I could feel my stomach turn but it was too late to take it back. I watched him open it, and I was so embarrassed.

Damien Abraham
My first real deal crush (I, of course, had minor infatuations with some other girls previously) was in Grade 10 on a girl named Alicia. I, being a music nerd and a cliché, thought the best way to get to her heart was through an unending torrent of mixtapes. Rather than express my feeling in a real and mature way, I thought it would be best to let Ben Lee or Descendents do it for me. It should go without saying that was a losing strategy.

We did finally have a magical first kiss, but we were both drunk (my pre-edge days), and the next day she didn't remember that it had happened. After that, heartbroken, I just stopped hanging out with her.

Young Governor
Katherine Oglivie . My first unhealthy, borderline-madman obsession. I was 12. I wore bright purple jeans stitched for only the coolest 'B-Boys' by the Exhaust Company, bought with my allowance at the Eaton Centre in Toronto. I liked "Freak Me" by Silk, Boyz II Men and that weird french techno song "Its OK to Be a Baby" by Jordie. At home, secretly, far away from my older cig-butt smoking B-Boy gang, I owned a Fender Duo Sonic and listened to Nirvana.

Katherine, however, knew nothing about me. She was amazing. She wore only body suits and jeans and, call me crazy, but to this day I think it's an unbeatable look. Her blonde hair was cut in a bob, and I would sit in the back of the class listening to "Iesha" by ABC wondering how many body suits she really owned and how many colors she had them in. She was my "Iesha." I would envision us together at her house, both in body suits, eating McDonalds. It was my ultimate fantasy (other than one day hooking up with the South American exchange girls that frequented the spare room in my mom's house. This also never happened.)

One day on the school playground, my chance to confess my love for her came by way of a peach. Although I had asked her out many times, I felt that I had to go the extra mile to really make her see what I was really about. I followed her around all lunch hour, watching her eat this huge peach. Eventually everyone caught on that I was creeping her, and she threw her peach pit in the garbage and told me to "fuck off."

My response was to fish the peach out of the garbage and, in front of everybody, lick off the garbage residue, and eat the rest — including the pit (which never, uh, "came out"). "I don't care, it touched her mouth."

So Katherine, wherever you are. I'm pretty sure I still have a part of you inside me (the pit), and even though you are a lesbian, every Valentine's Day I sit at the edge of my bed in an American Apparel body suit eating Chicken McNuggets, thinking of the old days.

Happy V-Day, baby.

Jim Crook
My first crush was an older woman. I was in 7th grade and Sallie Decaro was in 8th grade. We went on one date together. We went to see Wayne's World in the theater, and I was supposed to put my arm around her during the movie and make out. I was too chicken to make a move, so we essentially sat through the whole movie with our faces one inch apart. I just couldn't get the nerve to turn into her and try to kiss her.

I knew our relationship was on the rocks when, the next day at school, she told everyone I was a prude. I really knew it was over when, a few weeks later, I was trick-or-treating with my friends for Halloween. I never knew where she lived,l but found out that mortifying night. We rang one doorbell and who answers but my too-old-and-too-cool-to-trick-or-treat crush, Sallie Decaro. I was dressed like a complete idiot, and any chance of being "suave" was immediately ruined. She dumped me soon thereafter.

My first crush was in 3rd grade. Her name was Beth Raymond, and she was also in the 3rd grade. I learned how to sing the song "Beth" by KISS, and I brought my little cassette player (monophonic) to school and stood in front of her and sang the song along with the track. This was before John Cusack did the same kind of thing in Say Anything.

To put it bluntly, Beth was non-plussed, and didn't seem to understand why 9 year-olds had any need for a significant other. So that was the end of it. I moved from Providence to Boston the next year. That wasn't just my first crush, but my first live music performance — so it was all for the best. And "Beth" is still a great song.

Jean-Luc Reatrd
My first crush was named Guillimette, though she went by “Gigi.” Her hair was blond, below her shoulder. Her eyes? What could they be but blue? She was French, if that’s not obvious already. She was an angel sent from heaven (Paris). This was in Denver where, as a child, I was imprisoned and forced to go to school. I used to chase Gigi around the classroom and try to kiss her. This was in first grade, where hormones were strictly forbidden.

At home one day, I recorded myself saying “Je T’aime...Je T’aime...” over and over like a million times on a cassette (I hadn’t even heard of Gainsbourg yet!) I brought the tape recorder to school and placed it inside her desk while she wasn’t looking (We had those cubby-style desks with storage underneath). I hit play and ran away. I have no idea what she thought or if she knew it was me.

She knew it was me.

After all that, she spurned my advances. I resorted to throwing things at her, as little boys do. When summer came, she returned to France. Without me.

Jonah Falco
My first crush was a woman named Jeanine. When I say woman, I mean woman. I was 7 or 8, and accompanying my mother on a teaching trip to a music camp called NMC. The camp was held on the property of a working summer camp called Wahonawin, on Lake Coochiching. She was probably 25 or 27, and was the fishing instructor at the camp and she took us out every two days to catch Sunfish and Perch in a rickety boat called the "Whaler." I thought the only way I could get her to like me was to seem in-the-know about fishing so I bought her two lures and some brine from the bait store and assumed we would be married soon thereafter. Quite a gesture, no?

It seems strange now. But. I was a little swimmer in Orange County as a kid. Used to do races. Pubescence and swim suits were awesome and awkward. Anyway.

It all seems strange now, but we had a swim coach, Claudia. She looked a little like Martina Navratilova with a short haircut and a UCLA hoodie. She used to call me "twinkle toes" at practice. I was 9 or 10 years old.

So there was one meet, I was warming up in the morning, catching my breath at the edge of the pool before plunging back into the lonely laps. Claudia was walking around the edge of the pool, and the breath I was trying to catch quickly left me. Of course I'd had little flames for Dustin and Jeff and Steve, but this Claudia vibe went deep. It seems strange to me now.

That was my first real crush. I've had many since then, but none have been butch swim coaches.

Jonathan Martin
The first "legit" crush i remember having was when I was 12 or 13. Her name was Meagan, and I met her at summer camp. She had the softest hair, the voice of an angel and big brown eyes that made my little 12 year-old chest pound. At first it was awkward, because all I wanted to do was follow her around, but her little girlfriends would whisk her away from me every time I tried to make a smooth move. Finally, I got the courage to write my first love letter, explaining to Meagan how she was just the icing on my cake. I remember a few days later seeing her holding hands with *gasp!* my bestest old friend, Nate. I should've told him I liked her. He should've told me he liked her, too. He probably would have still ended up with the girl anyways. Nasty Nate.

Cassie Ramone
One of my first crushes was on this guy Dustin when I was in 5th grade. We were in the same after-school program at the YMCA. We'd play Legos together and make all our Legos games be about Star Wars. But he was going out with this girl Molly who was in 4th grade. Then he broke up with her and asked me out, but at that point I had a crush on my music teacher, so I turned him down. So weird. He ended up being my first kiss when we were in 9th grade. It was one day during lunch. His line was, "Cassie, I'm drowning and need mouth to mouth resuscitation." And then we made out for 10 seconds or something. At that point he was goth and I was semi-mall punk, and we were both really into Rage Against The Machine. Our kiss didn't go very well and from then on we were just buddies.

One of my first crushes that I had was when I was away at a summer camp. I came down with a bad cold and he snuck into my bunk to give me a note. All it said was "onion". I loved him :)

Andy Stack
My first crush came at the age of 5. My first grade classmate Stephanie Dunmire was my first encounter with the opposite sex. Our affair was cut short one afternoon on the playground of Hillcrest Elementary, when we got caught kissing underneath the jungle gym. Our teacher, Mrs. Thorne, gave us each a "time out," and called our parents to rat us out — starting me on a romantic shame spiral which lasts to this day.

Timothy Showalter
This wasn't my first crush, but it might be my most interesting.

I had been going through a long period of "hanging with friends" — tons of time spent listening to records, relaxing and consuming great quantities of Black Label. This sounds great and idealistic now, during my busy life, but I quickly forgot how few girls had been around. You can only discuss and listen to Darkness at the Edge of Town so many times until you need someone special.

Finally one night a group of people came over for a larger party than usual. Unfortunately for me and everyone else, I decided to bring the ol' jug of wine as my beverage of choice that evening. I think there were four girls there that night, and three of them were immediately annoying. The fourth was not. She was quiet and cool. I was sweaty, drunk and, most likely, obnoxious. Since I was incapable of talking to her, I just drank more. At a certain point I got completely sick of my friends, and needed to get fresh air.

Earlier that summer, a video store down the road from my friend's apartment exploded in a storm of fireworks. The owner had been illegally selling them for years out of the backroom. All that remained was a huge pile of bricks. In my state, I decided it would be a great idea to climb on top of this pile. I then grabbed a brick and walked back to the party.

I walked in and slammed the brick on the coffee table. I wasn't intending any of this to be mean, but I feel like this was great metaphor for some sexual frustrations. After committing this strange gesture, I looked at the girl and asked her out.

This June I'm going to marry her. She is still quiet and cool.

It's so hard to remember my first crush. Going through the decades, I realize that I am a crush monster. I had crushes on my older cousin's friends, on the camp counselors at summer camp, movies stars ( the blonde in Dukes of Hazzard ), the ballet dancers in the company...

The one story that comes to mind was in 2nd or 3rd grade. I had the biggest crush on this boy who played the lead in Johnny Appleseed. I would come home from school every afternoon and put on "Crazy for You" by Madonna and daydream about holding his hand and, of course, our wedding. It never occurred to me that he could like me back until one day when the phone rang. I have always had a phone phobia, but the wave of nausea and panic when I heard his voice on the other end was unforgettable. I did the only thing I could think of: I hung up on him and ignored him from that day on.

My first true crush was on a girl named Samantha who would hang out after school and on weekends at the video game arcade on the third floor of the mall, a place I tended to frequent as well. Now, mind you, this was the late '80s, so I’m sure you can picture the abundance of quasi-mullets, bleached denim and primitive-bit video game sounds.

Anyway, she and I were both big fans of one of the machines, so we would end up watching each other play and get competitive. After several weeks of getting up the nerve, I finally offered to buy her a Slushie in the food court, which she accepted. I think I got a quick peck on the cheek as thanks which, at the time, was all it took to make you content for weeks.

Eventually she dumped me for one of the school bullies, which is kind of awesomely cliché, in retrospect. Those were definitely simpler times.

My first crush happened when I was in the 3rd grade. I was playing with my band at a local club, which apparently had very lax age restrictions, when a beautiful young Australian woman approached me. She spoke quickly and with a charming accent. I was mesmerized. Our encounter was brief — she left and soon after moved back to Australia.

I knew I must find her. Being a tenacious little 3rd grader I stowed away in the luggage of a tourist headed to Australia. Once there I had nothing but my instincts and a keen sense of smell to track her down. For transport, I climbed inside the pouch of a friendly kangaroo and we hopped door to door. With in 10 minutes we had found the right house! The kangaroo rang the doorbell, my crush came to the door and I put a ring on her finger.

TRUE STORY.

Ken Seeno
My first crush became my first girlfriend when I was in 6th grade. Her name was Angie. We went out for six months! I was terrified to kiss her on the cheek in the lockers, but all of my friends pressured me into it. I ran away as soon as I did it. I remember we were dancing once and I flipped her (it was, like, a '40s style dancing for this school play we were in) and she hit her head really hard on the ground.

I was a chick magnet when I was in middle school. I was really into bands like Blink-182, MXPX, NOFX and stuff. Jeremy and I were actually at the same Blink-182 concert at Merriweather Post Pavillion in 8th grade! Gotta love that.

Toko Yasuda
I had many crushes through my school years in Japan.

One crush I remember was on a boy named Shin, and my crush lasted from 5th grade to 7th grade. He was a super star in an after school baseball team, and he was an excellent pitcher. I was a sprinter on the track team myself. We shared the same school track and field for our activities. I used to run faster when I passed him because it made me nervous. I never said anything to him. I was extremely shy when it came to having a crush on someone. I don't know why, but my mother told me much later that he had a crush on me, which she heard from his friend's mother — way too late!

The other big crush I remember was in high school. I liked a boy named Sow who was a guitar player in a hardcore band called Brain Busters. He wore a "Punk's Not Dead" long-sleeve shirt and had some kind of bleached hair mohawk . We went to the different public schools in my hometown, so my gal friends and I used to wait for him at the train station, which was a big hang out/hook up spot for local students. In Japan, there is a day called White Day on March 14th, a month after Valentine's Day. On White Day, girls receive white chocolate from someone to whom they gave a chocolate on Valentine's Day -- but only if they answer "yes" to agree to go out with you. Can you imagine how stressful and scary for girls to wait and wonder for a whole month to get the answer?

Well, not only did I never get the chocolate, but I also had to witness him holding hands with another girl who obviously was much older. She was going for Janis Joplin/hippyish look, which made me feel less heartbroken at that time.

If you ever receive chocolate from me, please remember I now like dark chocolate... when White Day comes.

Erica Elektra
When I was in high school, I had a crush on this guy who worked at the college radio station with me. He was older, and I was obsessed. At the time, I wrote a 'zine that I knew he was a fan of, so I wrote this whole article about how I had this crush on a guy, and how I couldn't hold the secret inside anymore. I talked about wanting to take him to The Ricki Lake Show and reveal my crush on television. Needless to say, I didn't end up doing that.

A month or so later, I moved to New York for college, but couldn't shake the huge crush I had on Mr. College Radio DJ guy. I needed answers! Did he feel the same? Would he be happy to hear that I loved him? I decided to take 5 shots of vodka in a row and call him up. Not the smartest idea, considering he was one of those straight-edge types who doesn't look highly upon inebriation.

But, yes, I called him up and said, "David! Do you have the most recent copy of Brother Dana (my 'zine)? Flip to the center spread. (I wait for him to do so.) That article is about you!!!"

There was silence on the line. And then he said, "Um... I have to go clean my room."

And that was that.

Arne Van Petegem
I was playing a small living room show with one of my first bands, back when I was 15 or something. One of the girls in my school that I had a huge crush on told me she was gonna come over to watch us play. She ended up being really late and missed our set, so we somehow agreed it would be a good idea for me to play some of our songs just for her.

We snuck over to one of the bedrooms. I had planned to first wow her with my soul-crushing guitar playing and singing talents, after which anything else would be smooth sailing. We both sat down on the bed and I started singing to her and she was looking on all amazed when all of a sudden there was a knock on the door. Her boyfriend. He was all "What the hell are you doing here?" She was up off the bed in seconds.

Surely one of the most embarassing moments of my teenage years.

In 3rd grade, I had the biggest crush on Matt Bordin. So I pantsed him in the school cafeteria and he dropped his lunch tray trying to pull his pants back up.

Gaila Durant
My first crush was on my brother’s friend James Pickles. I was 4, he was 9. It was a heady summer’s day, and we were celebrating my brother’s birthday in the park. I was wearing a fetching pink dress with mice on it. We did a wheelbarrow race and I was James’s wheelbarrow. I remember this rush of excitement that I didn’t understand when I realized he would see my knickers. Anyway, despite my underwear-showing allure, the relationship didn’t go any further. I think the fact that most of my hair had been removed after an incident with chewing gum was a factor in this being an unrequited crush. And maybe the age gap? Oh, James...my hair’s grown back.

Chris Tipton
Romance when young is nothing but a heady trip of super-dramatic episodes and, in my case, no exception exists. I clearly remember Laura at primary school; she seemed highly skilled in the creation of bird's nests made out of twigs and cut grass, her laugh was infectious and I quickly submitted to a zombie-like state of courtship that largely involved staring at her 100% of the time. Some people might find that creepy, but she seemed to enjoy the attention and we hit it off, spending the most dizzying month drawing trees together and running around with sandwiches whilst holding hands.

I was besotted, and dreaded each moment we had to part ways to return to our respective homes. It was during an incredibly hot evening after school, however, when tragedy struck. While teaming up to see who could cartwheel down our local hill the fastest, she tumbled and broke her arm. She went to hospital, stayed at home for a while and returned to school 2 weeks later in a cloud of silence. I think she held me responsible, as she never talked to me again and we moved on to separate secondary schools. I did meet her again, about 10 years later when we were 19 years old, but I was struck by how little we now had in common. Fortunately, she had forgotten about her accident completely, I don't think I will ever.

Andrea Havis
I had a crush on this guy Brian in elementary school. He used to ride the same bus to school as me. I knew that he always loved the seat that had, like, the wheel bump underneath. So one day before he got on, I ran to the back where that seat was and wedged myself into the crack between the wheel bump and underneath the seat and hid. When he sat down I crawled out to sit next to him. I'm pretty sure I terrified him.

Bergur Ebbi
It may be that my country is short on romantic traditions. We don't really celebrate Valentine's Day. We only know about the day from American movies and TV. So most attempts to be romantic on Valentine's Day end up being cheesy imitations from a Tom Hanks film. It's sad.

In general terms, we Scandinavians have problems with relaxed communication. We're too shy, I guess. I had crushes on lots of girls when I was in elementaryschool, and what I usually did was pull their hair and try to push them down staircases. That's how I expressed the sincere feeling of a crush. Even in high-school, I once tried to push a girl down a staircase. Fortunately, these incidents did not end with broken bones. But I can sure tell you that my expressions were usually misunderstood as violence. So that's my story. In a desperate attempt to avoid looking like tacky '80s heartthrob from the movies, I turned to the other extreme and failed to get the message across. That's a textbook example of being a hopeless romantic.